Recent Decisions

I change my mind
You raise your fist
Why does it always have to be like this?

Indecisive is my middle name
But this time, I've decided well.
Life is not a game you lose,
Most things are not such a big deal
As you make them seem
When I try to talk
And you don't even hear
Because your mind is blank
With rage again
You lose control and
Slam the door
Break the knob
And shove my mom
Who's on your side
And call me things
I'd never say
And threaten me
Inside my room
If you were anyone else...I'd hit you.

But you're my dad,
Most often kind
But with this rage locked up inside
Why do you not seek outside help
If this you can't control yourself?
I'm tired of being the one who's blamed
For everything gone wrong again
I know I've made mistakes
Hurt friends
I've been so fragile, so very thin,
I know I'm just one little ant
Inside a world as big as France.

And I know that I still need to find
A way to live, a way to fly
That does not bring me pain and tears
I'm sick of that, it's been long years
I'm ready to shed my old skin
Be bold and brave, be kind and weird,
For the past is gone, I won't look back
I need to find a better path
To happiness, which we all should have.

I wish so much the whole world would laugh
And feel for others, always have their backs,
And bond together in love and joy,
And embrace old friends, welcome them back.
This day I hope will one day come,
But alas, I cannot be the one
To show you how to heal your head,
To heal your heart, you must try instead
To face your pain, be strong and brave,
Just don't blame me for the hurt you save.
Over my own life I have control,
But another's life is his own to hold.