Losing friends

At first glance they say “she’s great!
Cute, a bit shy, nothing to hate."
I see it running through their heads,
That’s how it goes with guys I know.

But with time, soon, I lose them all,
My friends alike, they go, they fall
Into the depths of Nothingness.
What is wrong with me to warrant exodus?

Sure, I have issues, I feel love and pain,
Some things I’ve experienced I’ve vowed never again.
I’m a work in progress, the past it still hurts,
But look how far I’ve come: Observe!

The old me would keep on running scared
Keep hounding friends, keep feeling impaired.
But no more, I care way too much
To hurt a friend, to lose so much.

Please tell me, what am I doing wrong?
There is no handbook, I’m struggling on my own
To figure out how to be a friend, how to
Step back at times, yet be there still.

But losing you just hurts too much.
Why did you go, when you mean so much?
But perhaps therein the answer lies
But still it hurts, and still I cry.

Cuz feelings aside, you were my friend
You did for me what no one else did.
I try in turn to give something back
So please, have faith, don’t turn your back...