Gifts of time

Sometimes the greatest gift you can give is time. And you can give it in so many different ways, just think about it... Anyway, that's all for today, sleep well my friends. And make sure you give yourself enough time to sleep... :P

Ansley Mall & Morningside Atlanta Adventures

Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" is a great song! Ha, sorry, it just came on the radio and I got distracted ;)

But now to Ansley Mall and my night-time Atlanta adventures. So, I just went to the Ansley Mall Kroger to get hot cocoa, cocoa powder, and chocolate rice cakes. Yes, I was in the mood for chocolate, but luckily this craving gave me the chance to have some awesome midtown Atlanta experiences. As I got out of my car and started walking towards Kroger, the entire Atlanta skyline was suddenly right in front of me, beautifully lit up and looking rather impressive...and not so far away. In fact, on a trip to Target yesterday, I missed one of my turns and almost ended up smack in the middle of downtown Atlanta. But you live and learn, that's the fun part! Anyway, once inside of Kroger, I saw several very cute gay couples walking down the aisles. In fact, all I saw were gay couples or gay singles :P It can be a good experience to be the odd one out sometimes, I think we all need that in order to be able to understand how others feel -- when we actually have the chance to put ourselves in their shoes. And I knew Morningside/Lenox Park was a nice area, but I had no idea it was the center of Gay Atlanta! Oh, and my search for rice cakes led me all over Kroger, until several kind cashiers informed me that the rice cakes were currently residing in the "Nutrition" section. It seems that they don't enjoy staying too long in any one place, so they need to change their location at least once a week, just to stay happy and change things up. This in complete seriousness. And how would the staff ever have the strength to deal with the sheer boredom of a week without the beloved search for the renegade rice cakes? Though personally, I think those rice cakes are just trying to avoid being eaten... :)

Tears and snot...magical good things???

I say YES!!! Imagine if you felt sad and upset and you had no way to express it and no one to express it to. Imagine if you slammed your finger in a car door and all you could do was think to yourself: OOUUCHHH! Tears are there for a reason, they give you an outlet and the power to comfort yourself. And snot, well, one of the many divine gifts to humanity ;) Next time you're upset and get to the point where you have to blow your nose, just think how satisfying that feels. It's like you're getting the chance to expel all that bad energy, all that bad emotion, and actually see it going out of you. And you feel freer as a result, you've actually accomplished something, you showed that snot who's boss. And I know this seems kind of silly and I do like joking around, but the next time this happens to you, think about it... Shooting streams of water out of your eyes and propelling sticky snot webs out of your nose, these things are magical in a way. I mean, they do sound a lot like super powers... :)

The "Love Yourself & Be Confident" Pep Talk

"What others think of you is not as important as what you think of yourself" -- You've gotta love yourself before you can ever love anyone else, you have to realize that you're the only one who can change your life, and it's never too late to start. And if others are bringing you down, find those who make you feel good and accept you as you are. And never ever give up, you have so much more strength inside than you realize, and you are far more beautiful than you know, if you listen to your heart and believe in yourself. Let others think what they will, it's your life and your opinions about yourself that matter.

Haha, this sounds like a personal pep talk for myself, but I'm really just trying to give some good advice. And ok, a little confidence boost never hurt anyone ;)

Recent Decisions

I change my mind
You raise your fist
Why does it always have to be like this?

Indecisive is my middle name
But this time, I've decided well.
Life is not a game you lose,
Most things are not such a big deal
As you make them seem
When I try to talk
And you don't even hear
Because your mind is blank
With rage again
You lose control and
Slam the door
Break the knob
And shove my mom
Who's on your side
And call me things
I'd never say
And threaten me
Inside my room
If you were anyone else...I'd hit you.

But you're my dad,
Most often kind
But with this rage locked up inside
Why do you not seek outside help
If this you can't control yourself?
I'm tired of being the one who's blamed
For everything gone wrong again
I know I've made mistakes
Hurt friends
I've been so fragile, so very thin,
I know I'm just one little ant
Inside a world as big as France.

And I know that I still need to find
A way to live, a way to fly
That does not bring me pain and tears
I'm sick of that, it's been long years
I'm ready to shed my old skin
Be bold and brave, be kind and weird,
For the past is gone, I won't look back
I need to find a better path
To happiness, which we all should have.

I wish so much the whole world would laugh
And feel for others, always have their backs,
And bond together in love and joy,
And embrace old friends, welcome them back.
This day I hope will one day come,
But alas, I cannot be the one
To show you how to heal your head,
To heal your heart, you must try instead
To face your pain, be strong and brave,
Just don't blame me for the hurt you save.
Over my own life I have control,
But another's life is his own to hold.

Chocolate

Brown or black,
kiss or hug,
you never disappoint.
Your dark goodness embraces
my very soul, filling it
with joy.
Real,
wonderful,
loyal,
you never let me down.
From a mere cacao bean
you arise, bursting with happiness.
You are...delicious!

Second chances

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfrvyYyBDKc

This Lifehouse song ("Whatever It Takes") has such a great message, so I have to share it! Everyone deserves a second chance, a chance to change, especially if they care enough to actually try hard enough to make things better. Sometimes, we may give people a chance and they don't change, but this could be for one of two reasons:

1) They didn't really care enough to do anything different and didn't try to truly change themselves or how they relate to us -- and when we look into our gut, we feel that they probably will never change (at least with respect to us, in the way we need them to). In these circumstances, it is understandable to protect our hearts from these people and somewhat shut them out.

2) They did in fact try to change, but were unable to do so for reasons outside of their control -- understanding the choice in theory, but not really having the ability to fully choose in practice. These people can still hurt us and continue old patterns, but when we look into our gut, we feel that they do really care and can indeed change if circumstances improve. And if they can show us proof of actively fighting to change both themselves and their circumstances for the better, then we should give them another chance. When they truly do have the ability to choose how they relate to us and honor our friendship properly, then we will all benefit from the wonderful gift of second (or third) chances.

Without light, there is no life

Without light, there is no life.
To walk in darkness is possible, yet temporary at best; for to keep moving forward, there must be light.
Whether dazzlingly bright or a dim glow, external or internal, new or everlasting, we are all children of the light, craving it as a thirsty child craves water.
Friends, love, kindness, these things illuminate and enrich our lives,
helping us to navigate darkened paths at twilight, awaiting the dawn that sometimes seems never to arrive.
But how can I see, how can I grow if the light goes out, and there is no flashlight, no full moon, no simple match?
If the brightest flame of friendship is no more, if a hardened heart is hurting and unable to care as before, no longer remembering the light he once gave?
Here the path is tricky, winding still, I must not fall or look back -- for the past itself is hazy, darkened by time and memory.
Only forward I must go, finding my own light in the slivers of gold bouncing off the mountain face, beams of the bashful sun who slowly peeks his head around the clouds.
A light so strong cannot be lost, only displaced, diverted, momentarily hidden, in need of another friendly light to show it the way, and let it shine once more.
Darkness cannot last forever, for light is far stronger and begets beauty, love, compassion, and hope.
In darkness there is nothing; in light, there is everything, and it is this light that I must now share with others.
Especially with you, for I must be that candle who can light any flame, give back to you who once lit my way.
For in light is healing, friendship, compassion, and a reminder that no matter how dark it gets, there is always a brighter path ahead -- and those who will light it for us.
Yes, it may be filled with rocks and inflame deep wounds inside our hearts, but the path to healing is never easy.
The way of light is not the easy way, yet it is the way we must travel to paint a future bright with hope, even if somewhat muted by pain.

Lessons a bird taught me

A bird is sitting on a tree, whistling as the seconds pass.
I look again, and he is gone -- but there I see him, atop that bush.
Wings fluttering, soul chirping, he trills a love song and flies away.
Many lessons can I learn from such a bird:
One: never stay still for too long, for stagnation breeds unhappiness.
Two: let your soul sing every day, for for that purpose you were given a voice.
Three: When you sing, make it beautiful, for the greatest joy you can have is to put more joy in the world.
And four: if you feel lonely, then get off your tree and find another one. Do not let momentary unhappiness bring you down and keep you from living your life, finding your song, and spending time with those who matter.

Forgotten

Life is too short to be alone.
Silence shifts in shadows slipping slowly over saddened eyes.
Sagging spirits slumber senselessly --but freedom does not come with sleep.
How can no one care, no one talk, no one remember...
A mind left alone will go crazy, a heart will sag, a soul will cry:
Why am I forgotten?

Traversing the river of pain

**It is not years but experiences and actions that determine our worth, our capacity for caring, for understanding, for knowing.**

I am not old, yet far too wise.
I am not wise, yet much too experienced.
I am not broken, but I know pain.
I know the depths of the dark sea, the feelings of fire, poison, ice --
inside, not out.
All pain, by nature, is internal.
A stick, alone, does not feel: it lacks the wholeness of a tree.
To feel, we need a life force, a growing consciousness, a soul.
I cannot know what you are feeling, but I can understand the pain, the isolation, the protective shield around the heart -- for to feel too deeply is to be immersed in a living ocean too vast for words... or breath.
I cannot help you as I wish, for I know not how to dry this ocean, fight the fire, reverse the past, heal the present and those in it.
I cannot affect the balance of the world, heal your heart and change G-d's wrongs-- for yes, I will call them that, I will shout them to the Heavens!
But I can listen, understand, feel more than most creatures of my years.
Once your heart has been torn, your soul scraped, there is no going back.
Healing will come, but scars will remain, and your heart will never be the same.
Stronger in some ways, yet weaker in others, for that seems to be the way of the world.
I am not wise, and I have no way of knowing your experience.
But my heart is open, my mind deepened by joy and pain.
So I promise you this: if it ever seems too much, you will never have to face it alone.
No matter how angry you are with me or how imperfect I am.
I will not let you fall, and that is the most I have to offer.

Losing friends

At first glance they say “she’s great!
Cute, a bit shy, nothing to hate."
I see it running through their heads,
That’s how it goes with guys I know.

But with time, soon, I lose them all,
My friends alike, they go, they fall
Into the depths of Nothingness.
What is wrong with me to warrant exodus?

Sure, I have issues, I feel love and pain,
Some things I’ve experienced I’ve vowed never again.
I’m a work in progress, the past it still hurts,
But look how far I’ve come: Observe!

The old me would keep on running scared
Keep hounding friends, keep feeling impaired.
But no more, I care way too much
To hurt a friend, to lose so much.

Please tell me, what am I doing wrong?
There is no handbook, I’m struggling on my own
To figure out how to be a friend, how to
Step back at times, yet be there still.

But losing you just hurts too much.
Why did you go, when you mean so much?
But perhaps therein the answer lies
But still it hurts, and still I cry.

Cuz feelings aside, you were my friend
You did for me what no one else did.
I try in turn to give something back
So please, have faith, don’t turn your back...

Life is a game of balance

Life is a game of balance, a kind of magic yin yang ball.
A contrasting landscape of good and bad, large and small,
Kind deeds and unkind actions.
Your actions today affect your tomorrow, whether through life or karma --perhaps directed by G-d, or perhaps encompassing the definition of G-d Himself...for to personify G-d is to be human. Which G-d is not.

Life is both a game of opposites and a field of magnetic attraction.
Too much good, and bad will ensue, too much bad, and something good is bound to happen. Unless the ball drops, malfunctions, and skips your turn. This can sometimes happen...for better or for worse. Such instances are not justifiable, they just are.
But see how the opposites come into play?
Attraction too plays a role in life, the idea of karma, “you get what you give”, “what goes around comes around”, and all that jazz.
Strangely enough, this does seem to be the case, more often than not.
But how can rules of opposites and attractions coexist? Perhaps the rule of opposites IS the alpha rule, for this very scenario it explains.
Thus life is formed of opposites
Coexisting
Interacting
In all spheres: life forms, life occurrences, universal happenings.
Opposites provide balance, choices, completion, for nothing is complete without its counterpart.
Man and woman, light and dark, sea and air, life and death: our world has meaning based on comparisons, complements, contrasts.
And balance is perhaps the core of our entire world and universe, though the extent to which we can control this balance (if we would even want to) is unclear.

But there, in that unclear zone, controlling the balance of the universe and its creatures, is G-d.
However you want to describe G-d, for His/Her/Hiser very nature defies human comprehension.
What does it mean to be human?
To not be divine, to not be animals without a conscience, to not be fish. We are what we are not, and we are what we are, so we are indeed contradictions in ourselves.
But G-d and the universe wouldn’t have it any other way.

What If I'd Been Born a Mouse?

What if I’d been born a mouse?
Living in my little house,
A bed of grass, a bit of cheese,
A big blue sky, that’s all I’d need.

And what if I was made a wolf,
Running with my pack, aloof?
Whether alpha, beta, I don’t know,
But I know I’d never be alone.

And if a wild horse I’d been
Would I have come back home again?
Or kept on racing with my friends
The world so big, it has no end?

A chipmunk too, I’d like to be,
I’d stuff my cheeks with nuts, you’d see,
And scamper quickly to my lair
And store them for the winter there.

But even though these things I’m not,
I learn from them, they’ve taught me much.
Animals don’t judge, they live for now,
I feel close to them, need them around.