Cheese and the English

Hey again to the wonderful world of cyberspace! I didn't wanna end the week on a down note, so I decided to write something more cheerful. And it worked for me, made me laugh, so please enjoy these amazing insights, awesome words of true beauty, wisdom, wonder, yeah, i'm just trying to create a good mood here. I bet you're smiling by now, so good, my job is done:

*******
Ok, let’s talk about the English. Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak? This verbal class distinction, by now should...and ok, I’ll stop with that. But what I really wanna know is this: how is it that the English language can turn perfectly good, meaningful, and nice-sounding words in other languages into the characteristically drab, ‘refined’ version of a reserved Englishman...that is, if said Englishman were a word? Utterly confusing, my dear Hastings, but that’s the point. WHY do they do it? Let’s see an example, shall we? Take the word “queso”, meaning the delicious hard substance that we make from aged milk curd. Mmmmmm, gotta love that old coagulated milk, tasty...!!! Ha, but that’s not the point. The point is, that “queso” in Spanish actually sounds like “Que es eso”? Which means literally "What is that?" -- not a bad description of any kind of chunky milk product, in my opinion. But you see, that makes sense; because, in a way, the substance does have some explaining to do. So why not give it a name that reflects that point? Ah, but now the kicker: why the heck did the English have to change a hip word like that to something so boring: “cheese”? I mean, really, cheese?? Or, if in reality the English word predates the Spanish one, WHY couldn’t the English think of a more fitting description and be creative like the Hispanics? Why not “Wisthat” or “Watsat” for short? How about a grilled “watsat” sandwich, please? See how it rolls off the tongue? Why must English words also be restricted to the confines of English mortals, why can’t they reach higher and let loose and be free as a bird, a plane? That must be why it rains in Spain on the plane, could be an English system to keep those rebel free words from living full, happy lives. You know, they never say where the plane is from, and why is the rain in Spain suddenly falling on it? Must be English and there’s a revolutionary word on board, there’s no other explanation.

Here’s another one: “corn”. Yep, you heard me, “cornnnnn”. What is that? Is that supposed to make me feel good saying it, or want to eat it, or perhaps just get bored out of my head by the time the final ‘nnnnn’ comes to an end on my tongue? “Maíz” is a much better word, or even “maize” or “choclo” if you want...but how the heck do you end up with “corn”? Ok, imagine this: one day, you see a beautiful green plant, young but sturdy, and you decide to adopt it and water it and help it grow tall and strong. Then at long last, your plant bears fruit (er, vegetables, veggie babies, whatever you want to call them) and you’re overjoyed. You name the new creations: ...“corn”. Huh? Is that all the emotion you can convey for such an amazing plant and food item? Maíz at least sounds exciting, or sounds like you were excited, but leave it to the English to think of a dull word for one of the world’s most versatile and amazing foods. At least ‘popcorn’ is a little better... :)